Living Through The Worst Wild Fires of California History - Nov. 2018 - Jan. 2025
Time Dulls the Pain… But It Never Goes Away…
I’m not even sure how to start this. I have to write. I have to get it out.
It is Jan. 11th. Around 2pm, to be exact.
My family and I live just a few minutes from the Palisades fire.
I’ve watched the smoke bloom over the horizon from my backyard for several days. The scent of smoke is strong in the air, bringing up scensory memories, which are quite literally burned in my mind.
Helicopters and planes continue to fly overhead every few minutes through the days and nights—a constant reminder of the urgency and destruction happening just over the hills from where I sit now.
We lost electricity on Tuesday during the 80 - 100 mph Santa Anna winds.
Word broke out that a fire in the Palisades had started spreading fast.
Helicopters and air support were grounded due to the dangerous weather conditions, and with no internet and hardly any cell reception, there was little else we could do but sit and wait for family and friends to share any news with us.
I tried to hold it together for my kids, not wanting them to see my anxiety starting to creep up. Overall, the lack of reception was more of a blessing as it prevented them from doom-scrolling and seeing the chaos unfold across LA.
The same roads we travel on the weekends, businesses and restaurants turned to ash overnight, looking more like a post-apocalyptic wasteland than the beautiful coastal city we love.
By Thursday, the winds had died down, but the fires continued. More fires began to break out in Pasadena, Sunset Blvd., and one in particular that put my family and I on the edge of evacuation orders was the Kenneth fire.
We kept the Watch Duty app open, waiting for the potential call to evacuate, still without electricity, and looking for things to keep us occupied rather than sit and allow our anxiety and fear to get the better of us.
I had already quietly started to gather documents and pictures, not wanting my kids to see what I was doing and put them into a panic. They aren’t as little as they were in 2018 when we lost it all once before. But, my older two remember it well… too well.
My kids have already lived through the loss of our home and pets in the California Camp Fire of 2018, which happened so quickly that there was no time to save anything. A story which I will get into later in the post. Let’s just say, things were feeling far too familiar.
By 3pm my partner was on his way home, the the fire growing even without wind, and it was time to start packing go-bags.
Emotion shut off, checklists at the front of my mind, I started going through the emergency drills:
3-4 days of clothes - check.
Dog food for a few days - check.
Birth certs, passports, etc. - check.
Old photos - check.
I stood, looking down at the luggage in front of me… numbness, then dread, crept over me.
Standing in the middle of my home, looking around. Everything here was because of the loss we already lived through once.
Every book on my bookshelf was a replacement from the previous fire.
My guitars - replacements of what was lost.
My children’s bedrooms… their beds, pillows, pictures…. all replacements.
Every single piece of furniture, clothing, nut and bolt in this house were here because of what was lost.
A part of me screamed in triumph, “We did it once… we will do it again! We know how to handle this! We know what we are in for! We are prepared because of what we have already gone through!”
The other part… the scared little girl inside me, huddled in a corner of my mind feeling so incredibly small, sat and screamed, “Not again… please… not again.”
Our friends started evacuating, and our colleagues who had not already lost their homes were now evacuating too.
We debated what to do as night fell and the familiar scent of wildfire smoke began to snake into our home.
We had two dogs and three kids. Our home was intact, but the evac order hadn’t hit yet… do we go and take up a room that some other family in far greater need could use? Do we start traveling to find a hotel in Santa Barbara that would allow us to bring our pets?
We opted to sit tight and wait for the official call. We couldn’t, in good conscience, take up space from others in greater need when an evac wasn’t mandatory yet, but we were prepared for the call if it happened.
The helicopters and planes roared overhead as night rolled in, 2-3 at a time to take down the Kenneth fire.
There was little sleep that night as we kept the Watch Duty app open, every so often heading to the car to charge my phone before I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
It was a time I am most grateful to my partner (my children’s stepdad) for keeping things calm and collected while my children’s father, who stayed on the phone with them through most of the night, helped to reassure them through everything.
By early Friday morning, electricity was restored for our area. The Kenneth fire was under control and nearly out, and it *almost* felt normal… Almost.
As Friday rolled on, I caught up on laundry, did the dishes, and spent most of the day throwing away all the food from the refrigerator that went bad during the power outage. I didn’t open my phone much, and frankly, I needed the break from doomscrolling for just a moment.
It was shortly after lunch, and my partner called to say he was on his way home because the Pailisade’s fire was growing quickly, and everything through West Hills and into Encino was getting evacuated. His office is in Woodland Hills and would likely be the next on the list of evacuation warnings soon.
The rest of the day he made calls and checked in with colleagues and friends to find out where everyone was and if they needed anything. I started making posts to promote the donation efforts of the local organizations helping in this terrible time, and continued to watch the horizon as more and more planes roared overhead.
This brings me to today… Saturday.
While many fires are under control, the Palisades fire is continuing to rage on, and evacuations are expanding; none are currently near us, but many friends and colleagues have all been affected.
The winds are said to pick up again between today and Tuesday, Jan. 14th, 2025, which means we will be on high alert during that time.
We have kept the TV on movies for the kids since the electricity was restored, while the adults have been doomscrolling and checking Watch Duty nonstop.
I still feel guilty. I feel like donating and sharing our information isn’t enough for what this community did for us when my children and I were new to the area and having just lost our home. I feel guilty I am sitting here typing at my desk, lights are on, my kids cuddled up watching Smurfs on TV with the dogs dreaming beside them. I feel gratitude too… but so so much guilt when there was a time we were once on the other side… lost in despair, fear, and devastation.
We are donating to World Central Kitchen, Best Friends Animal Society, Red Cross L.A., and ASPCA, and I am using whatever platforms I can to help with fundraising. Please consider giving to one of these organizations or sharing their information.
The world sees Los Angeles for its glitz and glam. The truth is that it makes up a small percentage.
As I constantly reiterate on social media, what you see in the MEDIA (social or otherwise) is but a pinhole into the full picture.
Yes, there are lavish homes and candy-colored houses that line portions of the city.
It’s also apartments and studios with entire families trying to make it on minimum wage.
It’s chefs whipping up meals that take 6 months in advance to secure a seat to eat.
It’s also food trucks with cooks feeding thousands in a day with the best street food you will taste in your life for less than the price of a Starbucks.
Its a place of creativity and dreams… It represents a chance… survival…a hope for a better future.
It’s sunsets on sand dunes and midnight munchies in Little Tokyo.
It’s rooftop cocktails on a Friday night… It’s dimsum on Sunday mornings in Alhambra
It’s priceless art in galleries like the Getty and the most incredible street art in Pasadena.
For people who say, “If it's so expensive… it's burning down… just move.” that’s like asking someone to simply get a new dream… a new hope… a new existence.
I may not have been born in Los Angeles, but it’s become more of a home to me than anywhere else I have ever lived. The people make it home… the scenery is a nice touch.
Watching my city suffer… after having lived it once before, it makes it so much harder to watch it happen again.
Time Dulls the Pain… But It Never Goes Away…
The Camp Fire of Nov. 8, 2018, devoured everything in’s path, scorching the span of a football field EVERY SECOND, ending in 153,336 acres when it was finally over. It lasted a total of 18 days.
My family’s home was one of the 18,804 structures lost.
Many people from the Camp Fire relocated after the fire. Some stayed to rebuild, many have moved out of state, others moved down south.
Every now and then, I meet someone in the wide expanse of L.A. who either knew someone or was someone affected by that fire. It’s a humbling reminder of how small the world truly is.
To give an idea of the magnitude of these fires, here is a look at the most destructive fires in California to date, with the Palisades and Eaton fires continuing to grow at the date of posting this story.
Not a single person should have to live through something like this.
On Nov. 8th, 2018, we lost two dogs and three cats to this tragedy.
By a miracle, one cat was reunited with my ex-husband several weeks after the fire, thanks to the fantastic work of the Butte Humane Society working in collaboration with the ASPCA. My ex was also able to get my oldest dog into the car during the evacuation, who sadly passed away at my mother’s home only a few weeks later. My German Shepherd refused to leave the house and sadly perished in the fire.
I miss them every damn day.
My only ask to others reading this post is to please send up love and light to Los Angeles, hold your loved ones close, and never take a single moment for granted.
I also want to extend a MASSIVE thank you to all the first responders, volunteers, and animal care workers, and emergency personal out there. Your work is beyond appreciated both in and out of crisis. Thank you for all you do.
How You Can Help
The following organizations are ones I have personally donated to and stand behind. Not all help is monetary... simply sharing the information is a HUGE help! Thank you so much!
World Central Kitchen - I am currently holding a donation fundraiser on Instagram which you can check out here.
Best Friends Animal Society
ASPCA
California Community Foundation
California Fire Foundation
L.A. Fire Department Foundation
Pasadena Humane Society
Ventura County Community Foundation
American Red Cross of Greater Los Angeles
Center for Disaster Philanthropy
Direct Relief
Great reporting….breathe…..
I can imagine the devastation. We live not far from the area that was destroyed by Hurricane Helene last year, Western North Carolina and Eastern Tennessee. Less than 20 miles as the crow flies. However, we were very fortunate this time to escape the worst of the damage on the farm, but we had family and friends who lost everything, including their lives. It’s terrible to feel so helpless in the face of Mother Nature’s fury, whether it be fire or flood. The only thing both disasters have clearly proved is the ineptitude of government officials prevent catastrophe or repair the damage and the power of community to heal and rebuild. We will pray for the safety of your family.